


If I could see me through your eyes

by amaryllis (Lilly0)



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cap!Hydra, Captain Hydra, Comfort, Controlling Behaviour, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Healing, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Post-Hydra Steve Rogers, Protective Steve, Protective Steve Rogers, Sick Tony, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve wants his Tony back, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-11-29 08:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18220409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/amaryllis
Summary: Each time he looks into Steve's face, he seeshimSteve has just saved Tony from the claws of Hydra Steve. His evil doppelganger was captured and is safely held in prison now. Tony's external injuries heal well, but both Steve and Tony learn that unfortunately some things need longer to heal. Sometimes Tony has still difficulties to tell what's real and what's just in his mind. He wants to go back to how he and Steve were before, but he understands quite fast that the can't just get rid off the past.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to write a fic with Hydra Steve since...forever. 
> 
> This focuses on the time after Tony was held captive. It's a hurt/comfort fic with a lot of healing (because that's one of my fav genres) Steve will need a lot of patience, but Tony is going to fight hard too.

Tony delivers the punch before he even looked properly. He just heard his voice, smelled his scent… and went into his natural defense mode.

 

Steve drops the cup he was carrying and partly dodges Tony’s punch. It still hits his jaw slightly. The cup on the floor breaks into thousands of little pieces and splinters. It makes Tony wake up immediately. “I… I’m sorry, Steve. It’s you…I didn’t mean to. I…” he pauses, suddenly feeling nervous. “It _is_ you, isn’t it?”

 

Steve rubs his chin before looks at Tony, expression… a bit guarded, but kind. He keeps his distance too so that he doesn’t scare off Tony further. “Yes, it is me, Tony,” he says soothingly. “The real Steve.”

 

The other Steve called himself the real Steve too.

 

Tony looks into Steve’s eye. He sees no madness in them, no wrath. There is not that awful smirk of someone who knows he was manipulating. It’s the real Steve. “I’m sorry,” Tony repeats. “In the first moment I thought it’s...”

 

“I know, it’s my fault.” Steve hurries to reassure him. “I should have announced myself properly. I just spontaneously thought you could do with a cup of tea.”

 

Something inside Tony’s chest clenches. This is so sweet. Steve is so sweet. “Thank you,” he mutters. “It’s… thank you, Steve.” He wants to tell Steve he can stay, wants to ask him to at least sleep on the couch, but at the same time he knows that if Steve would agree to his offer, Tony would not be able to sleep even a bit. His nightmares are haunting him more when Steve is close. And at the same time he feels like the biggest asshole ever for exactly that reason. Steve didn’t do anything to him.

 

The other Steve did.

 

And yet… he just has difficulties to come to terms with that. It’s so hard to separate the two Steves in his mind.

 

He wants to go back to how they were before. Wants to sleep in Steve’s arms again, wants to feel him all over him. He wishes they could go back. But it’s impossible. It happened, and nothing could undo it again.

 

“Maybe we can go for a walk tomorrow?” Tony hears himself offer, because he just wants to give Steve something. Anything. Steve is atoning for something he didn’t even do.

 

“I would love that,” Steve says with a smile and careful hope in his eyes.

 

Tony returns the smile carefully, watching how Steve first cleans away the shards and then leaves him, not before wishing him a good night. When the door closes behind him, Tony feels tears burning in his eyes.

 

Why couldn’t they just go back to how they were before?

 

 

~~~

 

“Your blood test results are alright, Mr. Stark, and your broken ribs are healing well,” the doctor looks at his folder, a content smile on his lips.

 

“And the bruises?” Tony asks. He is not one to normally fret about something like that, but he has quite a lot of them and some are almost black.

 

“They look worse than they are.” The doctor takes off his glasses, looking at Tony thoughtfully. “The only thing you need to be careful about is your head, and your broken ribs. Don’t forget you had a concussion, so only slight movements, and no heavy work. Then your body will recover fully.”

 

Tony notes instantly how he says _body_ , like he knows that whatever happened to Tony’s mind was more difficult to deal with.

 

“The scars on your wrist are fading too,” the doctor muses. “At one point you need to reveal them to some air though. You are covering them up too much.”

 

Tony shakes his head. “Only once they vanished completely.” He is not going to show it to anyone, and especially not to Steve. He would not understand… or maybe he would, but he would definitely think it’s his fault.

 

“Other than that,” the doctor pretends to be looking at some papers casually, like he is just asking without any real meaning behind it. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Fine,” Tony says automatically, because he always does.

 

The doctor hands him a card.

 

“I don’t need this,” Tony says without even looking at it.

 

“It’s a friend,” the man states softly. “He is not working officially anymore, he retired, but I talked to him, and if you want to, you can visit him. All in private.”

 

“I really don’t need it,” Tony mutters, too tired to even get defensive about it.

 

“How is your relationship with Steve Rogers proceeding now that you are back?” the doctor inquires.

 

“I can’t even look at him,” Tony answers to his own surprise. “He didn’t do anything wrong, and I can’t… It was the other Steve, and...” He looks at the card in front of him, and with a sigh he takes it. “I will think about it.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

“Can I bribe you into grabbing a coffee on our way?” Steve asks.

 

Tony needs a while to answer because he is too surprised by Steve’s weird… attire. He is wearing a hoodie and has a scarf wrapped around half of his face. “Are you feeling cold, Steve? I know it’s winter, but if you are that cold you might be getting sick...”

 

Steve’s blue eyes shift around nervously. “I worked out,” he finally says. “Afraid to cool down too fast, you know?”

 

“Ah,” Tony answers, confused.

 

“How do I look?” Steve wants to know.

 

Against his will Tony has to grin slightly. “The hobo look suits you surprisingly good.”

 

“I’ve heard it’s the newest hipster thing!” Steve answers promptly.

 

“Oh is it?” Tony grins.”Who told you that?”

 

“Bucky.”

 

“Oh, and he is obviously the address to go to,” Tony snorts. He feels almost light-hearted and calm being with Steve, which is unusual. He doesn’t question it though, just decides to relish the moment. It’s been forever since he was able to just chat with Steve and have fun. Steve’s ridiculous outfit helps too, it doesn’t remind him of the other Steve at all. He doesn’t even see his face properly. Just his eyes. And the look in them is always different to evil Steve.

 

Baby steps, he thinks, but better than none. For a split second he wonders if he should take Steve’s hand, but something inside him is still holding him back.

 

 

~~~

 

“Go and see that guy!” Rhodey’s reaction comes without a moment of hesitation, and Tony almost regrets telling him in the first place.

 

“Rhodes, I’m more than okay.” Tony doesn’t even look at his friend, instead he presses a few buttons of his touch screen. He can’t go on a mission at the moment – he would, even against his doctor’s advice, but he knows none of his friends would let him – but he can work on his research.

 

“If you are okay, why are you never talking about what happened?” Rhodey answers bluntly. “You never mention it”

 

“There is not much to say,” Tony shrugs. “You know anyways. I mean, you saved me from Steve.” He pauses. “I’m obviously talking about the other Steve.”

 

“I know this,” Rhodey shifts around nervously. “It’s just, you never mention it. You keep it all inside. You know, Tones...” He reaches out his hand to grab Tony’s shoulder, squeezing it slightly. “I’m always there for you. You can tell me.”

 

Tony looks at him for a long while. “I’m not ready yet,” he finally admits. “But maybe one day I will, and then...”

 

“Then I will be there,” Rhodey promises. He sounds a bit more content than before. “I still think you should go and see this therapist. I mean, he is retired. Obviously your doctor only recommended him to you because he knows you wouldn’t go to just anyone. Aren’t you curious?”

 

Tony raises his eyebrows. “Good move, James, appealing to my curiosity!”

 

“So you are curious?”

 

“Somehow I am.” Tony tilts his head. “I just don’t like therapists, and I don’t think he will be able to help me anyways.”

 

“He is an outsider,” Rhodey argues. “You could talk to him in a way you can’t to me. Tony, sometimes you just look...” he pauses.

 

“Look what?” Tony asks sharply.

 

“Horrified when you see Steve.” Rhodey sighs. “And sometimes it seems like you aren’t even looking at him. That’s when you look the worst.”

 

“You are right, I think sometimes I _am_ not looking at him,” Tony admits quietly. “Sometimes it’s not him I see, and then I need to remind me that this is my Steve, not the one who kept me captive. He is not the Steve fighting for Hydra. But it’s…”

 

“It’s what?” Rhodey asks softly.

 

The same face, Tony thinks to himself. The same voice. The same laugh. The same strength. The same scent.

 

He loves his Steve, the real one. But he fears and hates the other one for what he has done to him. But his Steve is different.

 

His Steve looks sad when Tony is sad, he is trying to be there for him without pushing him, he is so patient. And yet he has to feel so crushed because Tony is pushing him away for something he hasn’t even done.

 

“I could give it a try, I guess,” Tony gives in with a sigh. Anything for being able to give real Tony back to real Steve.

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

Everything about the therapist screams RUN to Tony. And on any other occasion he would have run, or called his doctor and asked him what kind of crazy daze he was in to appoint him to this walking fashion catastrophe.

 

His trousers are way too short and he wears them high waist. He has messy hair, pulled back into a bun, didn’t shave in days and wears the ugliest orange t-shirt Tony has ever seen. “Tea?” the man asks while he places some lavender candles around them.

 

“Please,” Tony says because he has no idea what else to say.

 

“Hold that meanwhile,” the man hands him a little fluffy kitten. “She is still a bit shy.”

 

Maybe on a second thought Steve doesn’t even want him back. Maybe he is glad he got rid off him through his evil twin, maybe… so he can just get up now and run.

 

No way.

 

Steve would never think like that.

 

 

 

 

 

Tony sips at his tee. After the initial first shock of meeting this guy – Don’t call me Doctor, my name is Frank – wore off, he feels almost a bit amused by this dude. On the other hand he feels a bit surprised that out of all his doctor recommended this guy.

 

Within half an hour Frank has told him about most of his life, which seems to be pretty normal. Wife, adult son, garden. Tony envies him to no end.

 

“Now it’s your turn,” Frank says and leans back.

 

“My turn for what?” Tony snorts. “You know who I am.”

 

Frank shrugs. “No, I just know what newspapers and gossip sites say about you.”

 

Tony raises his eyebrows. “Why don’t you just ask directly about Steve and how I got abducted by his horrible manipulative alternate version?”

 

“Do _you_ want to talk about it?” the doctor asks in return, casual.

 

Tony feels taken aback again, he didn’t think this would be the reaction he would get. “I...” he pauses. “No,” he answers quietly.

 

“But you are here,” Frank states.

 

“Yes.”

 

“So, it has to mean something that you came, or am I wrong?”

 

Tony stays quiet for a long while, his fingers playing with the fringes of the table-cloth.

 

“The Steve you have been talking about, the real one, are you still with him?”

 

Tony shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean, after… it got a bit difficult.”

 

“Why?”

 

“They look identical,” Tony explains. “Two versions of the same guy. Same voice, same eyes, same… everything.”

 

“But they are not entirely the same?” Frank asks further.

 

Tony shakes his head. “Of course not. My Steve is kind and considerate. He would never… you know...”

 

“You call him your Steve, so you are still a couple.” Frank pauses. “Steve is still with you, isn’t he?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“He didn’t break up?”

 

“He is more patient than anyone else in his situation would be,” Tony says.

 

“So you came to me...” Frank’s voice trail off.

 

“Yeah.” Tony frowns slightly, remembering again why he is actually at this place and talking to this guy. He is doing it for Steve, and for himself, and for giving them another chance. “Fine, I’ll give this a try.”

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Frank chuckles.

 

“You sure did,” Tony smirks.

 

Frank chuckles. “I see. I need to use better tricks on you.” He pauses. “So for starters… Why are we calling them Steve?”

 

Tony raises his eyebrows. “Because that’s their name I’d say.”

 

“I don’t like it,” Frank swirls around in his chair. “We should give them aliases. It’s getting confusing if you continue talking about Steve. And the real Steve. The other Steve. Just choose new names for them.”

 

“You mean like Charles and Thomas?” Tony asks, once more surprised.

 

“You like the names?”

 

“They are like any other names!”

 

“The name is not really important,” Frank muses.

 

“Than _what’s_ important,” Tony wants to know. “I hate not knowing what I’m getting into.”

 

“Distance,” Frank explains to him. “It gives you a new perspective when you talk about them. And I did not lie when I said it is less complicated.”

 

Tony raises his eyebrows. This has to be a first, he thinks. A therapist who gives him a straight answer, and who kind of knows how to handle him. He has to admit that Frank makes him curious. Despite his ridiculous appearance and weird behavior he seems to know quite a lot…

 

He kind of caught his interest. Let’s see what this guy is really capable of.

 

“Fine, let me think… I mean, I could call the other Steve… I don’t know...” Tony pauses. “It’s weird.”

 

“Let me suggest something,” Frank intervenes. “If you feel more comfortable with their real name, why don’t you call your Steve Steve, and the wrong one Steven. I assume you never call your Steve by his full name?”

 

“No, I always call him Steve,” Tony pauses. “This could work,” he finally admits. “Without confusing me.”

 

“So be it.” Frank claps his hands. “Let’s start!”

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

“ _I can see what he finds in you… I didn’t believe it first. What would someone like… me… see in a man without any real superpower. Is it the money?” He smirks, his finger brushing over Tony’s cheek. “But now that I have you here...”_

 

_Tony’s eyes snap open. He has been sleeping a lot, drowsy from whatever they put in his food. He has to avoid eating and drinking as much as possible. They sometimes...give him something through his food. He doesn’t know what it does to him._

 

_The room is small, but with normal furniture. No window. He sleeps on something soft, this is the worst. They are not keeping him in a cell, which would make it a lot easier, they are keeping him in a room, making him loose track of reality._

 

_And he is coming to visit. Daily or more often? Tony can’t tell, he just knows he is here a lot, playing with Tony and his mind._

 

_Tony blinks his eyes open, looking into Steve’s face._

 

“ _You are gorgeous,” Steve continues, reaching out his hand to touch Tony’s face, his thumb brushing over Tony’s lips._

 

_Tony takes a swift second to think about what to do. This is not reality, Tony, it is not real! Well, technically it is, but this is not Steve, not the real one. Then he just bites down on the thumb with all he has._

 

_Steve groans in pain and then slaps him, hard._

 

_Tony pretty much anticipated it, it’s no surprise. It hurts, but on the upside it’s exactly the proof he needed to clear up his mind._

 

“ _It doesn’t matter, Anthony,” the other Steve’s eyes suddenly look too angry to be cold. “I’m not handing you back to him. And once he comes to get you back by himself, you will be so broken, he won’t want you anymore. Then I will kill him. And I will make you watch it. You will be mine, no matter how much you fight it.”_

 

_His voice sounds so much like Steve’s, it hurts so much._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm super-excited about writing this. I have had a short writer's block recently concerning Stony in particular, but suddenly this plot bunny hit me and the ideas just came flying to me, and I'm so happy. ^^
> 
> I hope you will like this. ♥
> 
> Oh, and in case you wondered: Steve was wearing a hoodie and a scarf, looking all ridiculous, because he didn't want Tony to see his face and feel uncomfortable. :-)
> 
> As always comments and feedback are loved and appreciated ♥


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I’m trying to bake,” Steve smiles and nods towards Vision. “And he is trying to show me how.”

 

“And how are you coping?” Tony asks, slightly curious. It’s not like Steve is the typical chauvinist male. He is respectful towards just everyone, and Tony knows he is at least somewhat capable of cooking eggs. But seeing him bake is a whole new story.

 

Steve looks almost bashful. “I have zero talent. But Vision gladly has endless passion.”

 

The perks of being able to do just about anything, Tony thinks, like Vision. “Steve is doing quite well,” Vision points out.

 

“He is lying,” Steve chuckles. “I’m a catastrophe in the kitchen.”

 

Tony peeks into the little box Steve shows him, smiling slightly when he eyes the burnt cookies. “They don’t look that bad,” he states, because he wants to say something nice. When was the last time he actually indulged Steve?

 

Steve takes one of them. “Want to try one?” He waves the cookie in front of Tony’s face.

 

Tony has to grin at the whole silliness, and almost automatically opens his mouth. Steve shoves the cookie in his mouth. “Not the whole one at once,” Tony complains in amusement. “I mean, I know I can swallow a lot, but that’s a bit too much even for me~”

 

Steve laughs slightly.

 

It’s only then that Tony realizes that he is messing around with Steve, like they used to before Hydra Steve got him. Tony coughs slightly, swallowing down the cookie. Fuck, this is complicated! Steve looks a bit confused too, and nervous. “I...” Steve licks over his lips, he obviously wants to say something, but apparently doesn’t know how to say it… or what he wants to say.

 

Vision meanwhile is looking – obviously very focused – on the recipe in front of him. He has always been a rather considerate guy.

 

“It tastes good,” Tony says, though he was so focused on not panicking at this situation that he didn’t taste anything at all. The light atmosphere around them is gone all of a sudden, the tension so thick he could cut it with a knife.

 

Steve smiles nervously. “Thank you.”

 

 

~~~

 

“Interesting choice of food,” Frank muses while he inspects the cookies. In his nervousness from being around Steve Tony actually grabbed a bunch of them and pretended to bring them as a snack… to his meeting. Steve has no idea he is seeing a therapist.

 

“Steve baked them,” Tony explains.

 

“Oh, did he? I assume it’s from your Steve?”

 

Tony rolls his eyes. “It’s not like the other guy would bake cookies for me, or even worse: I would accept them. Heck, I have no intention at all to see him.”

 

“One day though you might want to,” Frank says quietly.

 

Tony raises his eyebrows. “I can reassure you I have no intention at all to visit him in prison. I’ve not secretly fallen for him, in case you think that might be an option!”

 

“That’s not what I meant, but I feel like you...” Frank tilts his head. “You like to take on things, to win your battles. And you probably will want to see him one day to reassure yourself you can let go.”

 

It would be a lie if Tony said he never thought of it. “Is this a good or bad thing?”

 

“It’s nothing we are supposed to judge,” Frank smiles. “For now rather tell me how it happened that Steve baked cookies for you.”

 

Tony blushes. “I think he wanted to do something nice for me. A friend helped him. And then I stumbled over them, and I tasted one of the cookies, and it got awkward.”

 

“And then you grabbed a whole bunch of them?”

 

“Precisely,” Tony states.

 

“Do you want coffee with them?”

 

“Please.” Weirdly enough meeting with this dude, doesn’t unsettle Tony at all. It’s so out of the ordinary for him and so far away from who he normally meets that he kind of… almost… can relax during their meetings.

 

“So, it was awkward, huh?” Frank’s pants are way too short. And he is wearing white tennis socks with them.

 

“Incredibly awkward.” Tony sighs. “But before that, when I wasn’t overthinking it, it was almost like before...”

 

“Did Steven,” Frank looks at Tony thoughtfully. “Did he torture you?”

 

Tony licks his lips nervous, his chest tightening when he thinks about the weeks he was held captive by the other Steve. “He tried to get into my head.”

 

“Was he successful?”

 

“Hell yes,” Tony spats out with bitterness in his voice.

 

“Did he force himself on you, I mean sexually?”

 

Tony shrugs. “He always claimed he didn’t.”

 

Frank looks at him insistently. “And what do you think?”

 

“He always drugged me in a way.” Tony looks down at his fingers. “I couldn’t even move or scream or...” He pauses. “I always only fully realized when I woke up.”

 

“Tony...” Frank rubs over his head. “You see him in your Steve, don’t you?”

 

“He looks like Steve. So much,” Tony explains. “The voice, the face. Sometimes I wasn’t able anymore to tell what’s real and what’s not real. Which Steve is real. And now when I look into Steve’s face, I… I see him.”

 

“Say...” Frank says after a while. “How are you handling your obsessive-compulsive disorder?”

 

Wow, a spontaneous change of subject. “I don’t have OCD,” Tony says, surprised. “I have other stuff, but definitely not that.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But the notes say you have O-”

 

“Listen, PTSD maybe. Even panic attack sometimes, but definitely not OCD.”

 

“Is that so?” Frank muses.

 

Tony stares at him for a long while. “Wow,” he finally says. “You are good. You don’t even have notes, do you?”

 

“Nothing at all,” Frank admits. “I just took a wild guess.”

 

“I should probably get up and leave,” Tony threatens.

 

“You could do that, ore you could take another one of these burnt cookies and a fresh cup of coffee and tell me how you are coping. Do you sleep?”

 

“Coffee first,” Tony orders. “I assume you won’t allow me a drink?”

 

“Only if it’s non-alcoholic,” Frank grins.

 

“You know how to suck the fun out of things,” Tony sighs. “Next thing you tell me is you are vegan.”

 

“Vegetarian,” Frank smiles.

 

“I knew it.”

 

“Tony,” Frank says after a while. “What Hydra Steve did to you was wrong. And there is no excuse for it. It’s still rape, even when he tries to convince himself and you otherwise. You are more than allowed to judge and hate him for it.”

 

To Tony’s surprise it feels good to have his feelings acknowledged, even if it’s just from that weird therapist here. He knows he is right, but the guilt he is feeling tells him otherwise. “I don’t sleep at all,” he finally admits. “I just… can’t.”

 

 

~~~

 

“Tony, what are we doing here?”

 

“Quiet, Rhodes, just be a good friend and participate.” Tony pats the space next to him. “Sit down. Legs crossed.”

 

Rhodey lets out a deep sigh but follows his wishes.

 

“J.A.R.V.I.S. Play my yoga music.”

 

“Yoga, Tony, really?”

 

“It’s good for you too, you will realize.” Tony takes a deep breath. “Try to keep your inner chi… or your Yin and Yang… or whatever in balance.”

 

“My chi?”

 

“Whatever you want,” Tony smirks. “Balance, you know?”

 

“You are nuts,” Rhodey grumbles.

 

“Tell me something new. I’m seeing a fucking shrink. I must be crazy.”

 

Rhodey’s eyes snap open. “You went to see that guy?”

 

“Yeah, and if you tell anyone you are a dead man,” Tony threatens. “Deader than dead.”

 

“Don’t you think some of the others...” Rhodey pauses awkwardly. He has never been one for subtlety. He is too honest for that. “…like Steve wouldn’t be interested.”

 

“I can’t tell anyone,” Tony says quietly. “I don’t even know what I plan on doing there and if it’s going to help… and what the heck I’m even talking about. But whenever I visit him, he just skillfully elicits information of me.”

 

“Whenever?” Rhodey looks at hims surprised. “You went there more than once?”

 

“Twice,” Tony admits.

 

“Wow, that dude apparently has something about him.”

 

“He indeed does. Five cats and zero fashion sense!” Tony folds his hands, taking a few deep breaths.

 

“Can’t I just grab a drink and watch you?” Rhodey asks.

 

“Now that would be awkward,” Tony grins.

 

“Can we at least have a drink afterwards?” Rhodey begs.

 

Tony chuckles. “Fine.” He smacks Rhodey playfully, missing the look of surprise and joy in Rhodey’s eyes. “Let’s finally do some yoga, and then hang out a bit.”

 

 

~~~

 

_Tony looks up, surprised, when he sees the item in his hand. A notebook, a box with pens and other utensils._

 

“ _Do you need a calculator?” the nothing-but-wrong-Steve asks._

 

“ _No,” Tony answers immediately, slightly insulted._

 

“ _I see,” the other muses._

 

“ _What is this?” Tony frowns. “If you think I’m seriously going to build something for you, you can go and fuck-”_

 

“ _No, I don’t need your help,” Steve huffs. “This is just for you. You seem to be bored.”_

 

_Tony stares at him. “What?”_

 

_Steve shrugs. “You are a huge piece of work. Thought you need something to do or you will come up with something absolutely idiotic, like trying to escape.” He pauses, his eyes darkening. “Don’t even try to think about escaping,” he mutters. “Or...”_

 

“ _Or what?”_

 

“ _Or I will tie you up and have my way with you, so that your sorry excuse of a boyfriend will never want to touch again.”_

 

_Tony swallows. He is not one to feel scared easily, but the way this Steve looks at him, and how he resembles his real Steve, it’s so unsettling. And scarier than any other villain could be._

 

_Tony has no doubts that this Steven here will keep up to his threat. To distract him from his dark thoughts, he tries to think of something else. This asshole here just brought him pens and paper…why did he even do that? He could have threatened Tony without giving him a present before. Wait a moment… what? Tony shakes his head slightly. “Still doesn’t make sense. Why would you even get me something to play around with?”_

 

“ _To distract you.”_

 

“ _Oh, please. How stupid do you think I am? You are not talking to one of your brainless Hydra allies!_

 

“ _Fine,” Steve hisses. “I hit you when you bit me, and I didn’t want to do that. And now take the fucking stuff and stop complaining.”_

 

“ _You don’t mean anything to me, so why the heck would I even mind?” Tony asks angrily, his stomach is revolting though. When Hydra Steve handed him the notebook… for a second… before he told him he would rape him in case Tony would try to escape… he was almost identical with his real Steve._

 

“ _Do you think you mean something to him?” Steve asks in return. “To Captain America?”_

 

_Tony swallows, but doesn’t show his doubts. He can’t let this manipulative asshole get to him. “Of course I mean something to him.”_

 

“ _Do you think he would abandon his work to be with you? Do you think he would abandon his country just to come and save you?” Steve kneels down in front of Tony, his eyes on fire. “The difference between him and me is that I give a shit about this country.”_

 

“ _The difference between the both of you is...” Tony pauses. “That he doesn’t need to held me captive to have me at his side. He respects me and my boundaries. While you want to own me.”_

 

_Steve smirks. “You say that now, but believe me… soon, you will be with me, willingly.” He pauses, hungry eyes scanning Tony from head to toe. “And nothing your little precious Steve does will change that you are going to be mine.”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel sorry for putting Tony through so much sh*t again. Actually both of them, because Steve hasn't done anything wrong, yet suffers the consequences. Please forgive me guys ><
> 
> Do you think Hydra Steve will successfully get into Tony's head? And will Tony be with him willingly, like he thinks he will? 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter <3 Thank you for all your support!  
> As always your comments and feedback are loved ♥


	3. Chapter 3

He and Steve have developed a new habit in their daily routine. They are meeting up for a long walk each day. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining or cold or windy, they will just go out and enjoy the fresh air

 

It was Steve’s idea. He hasn’t really voiced it out, but Tony noticed how he asked him out for a walk each day. _We could get us some coffee? Do you feel like walking to the supermarket? Would you accompany me to the park?_ _I’m going for a run, would_ _you measure my time?_ Tony felt surprised first, he went along, because he realized how much Steve was trying to spend time with him, and it made him happy that he tried so hard. 

 

He talked about it with Frank, and Frank loved the idea and immediately approved of it, encouraging Tony to go with Steve every day. And to invite him out too. He said, simply going outside together would turn into a completely new habit for them, nothing which reminded Tony of how things were before, and it also wouldn’t remind him of Steve’s evil doppelganger. Besides, the supermarket, the park, the coffee shop, all these places were neutral ground. Tony would feel safe there.

 

After thinking it through Tony realized Frank was right. He felt a lot more relaxed while meeting Steve when they were outside.

 

But inviting him out himself?

 

It took Tony a while to be able to do it. He has been debating with himself forever. Like… maybe Steve would find it weird? Maybe he didn’t want Tony to ask him? Maybe he would hate it if Tony asks him out because it’s his job and not Tony’s?

 

After weeks of pondering, Tony has enough of it, and decides to just get it done with. It’s still pretty early, but Steve usually doesn’t sleep long anyways. He indeed finds him in one of the living rooms. Steve is mostly staying with Sam at the moment, Tony doesn’t like it, but he can’t do anything about it either. There is no real solution to it now.

 

Steve looks up in surprise before he smiles softly. “Tony, it’s nice to see you so early in the morning.”

 

“Yes,” Tony mutters. “It’s early… too early… I think I need coffee.”

 

Steve blinks in surprise, his gaze shifts from Tony’s face to his jacket back to Tony’s face. “Do you want to get the new Starbucks coffee? They are selling some new flavors.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to go alone.” Tony looks to the floor. “You wouldn’t happen to have time and-”

 

“Of course!” Steve exclaims with so much enthusiasm that it warms Tony’s heart immediately. He was an idiot for feeling so insecure about this.

 

“But weren’t you about to go for a run,” Tony comments, noting Steve’s running shoes.

 

“I will go later,” Steve answers promptly.

 

“But I can wait.”

 

“No,” Steve intervenes, blushing when Tony looks at him. “I prefer to come with you.”

 

His words make Tony blush as well. He hasn’t felt like that in a long way. Even when he and Steve hit it off, it wasn’t like this, they weren’t such an awkward-blushing-stuttering mess, yet… despite everything standing between them, he feels happy to see their relationship going somewhere again. “Don’t leave me, Steve,” Tony says quietly.

 

Steve turns to look at him. “Tony. I will never leave you.”

 

“I know, I’m very difficult and a lot of work at the moment, but...”

 

“Tony, listen to me.” Steve touches his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “I will never leave you. I love you. And although we are going through a more challenging phase I’m completely and full-heartedly in it with you.”

 

Tony feels his cheeks warm up again. “Oh dear, Steve, let’s go, or I will feel so embarrassed that I will explode..”

 

“Oh, I don’t want that to happen,” Steve says with a fond smile.

 

“Okay,” Tony frowns. “Seriously, we need to get out of here and get a coffee, and stop the Disney-movie-drama. Next thing I know is I will loose my shoe...”

 

“Didn’t know you were wearing glass shoes,” Steve teases.

 

Tony grins. “Better. Adidas sneakers.”

 

 

~~~

 

“Wow,” Frank dips his cookie into his coffee. “That’s what I call some progress.”

 

“He was so happy,” Tony muses without even feeling disgusted by how Frank is chewing on his soggy cookie. “I don’t know… at this moment I just decided not to overthink it. And suddenly Steve reacted way more natural too, not like usual. He was even making jokes. Low-key flirting, you know?”

 

“How does he usually react?” Frank wants to know.

 

“He is perfect,” Tony states.

 

“And that’s a bad thing?”

 

“It’s not real.” Tony pauses. “It’s hard to explain, but he just tries to be a hundred percent perfect for me. Everything about him is so controlled. It’s not my Steve. Don’t get me wrong, Steve is always a good guy, patient and understanding, but he is not utter controlled perfection. Yesterday he was more himself again.”

 

“He is just trying to make you feel comfortable, Tony,” Frank comments. “He wants to be perfect for you because he wants you to get over everything that happened.”

 

“I know,” Tony takes a sip from his coffee. He knows Frank is right, but he doesn’t like it. “I’m not being fair.”

 

“Why don’t you tell him?” Frank suggests. “Just share some things with him.”

 

“I’m not ready,” Tony prompts.

 

“Because you are afraid he will ask more questions?” Frank points at Tony’s arms. “You are putting a lot of effort into hiding them.”

 

Tony looks at the man, surprised. “I can’t show them to Steve,” Tony says quietly. “He would be so hurt…”

 

“I’m sure your Steve would understand it,” Frank urges softly.

 

“That’s not it,” Tony argues. “I know, he will. But he will blame himself for it.”

 

Frank sighs. “What if the other Steve tells him? What if Steve has to meet him to question him, and then he tells him?” he wants to know.

 

“He won’t. In his weird twisted mind he probably thinks we are sharing an important secret.” Tony grimaces. “He would always say stuff like that when he held me captive. _I know more about you, Tony, I understand you better_. Ugh.”

 

“You kind of _are_ sharing a secret though,” Frank tells him. “He is not so wrong. Steve can take it, Tony. The more open you are with him, the more you include him, the more he will feel involved and important to you. He will be more natural then, as you called it.”

 

Steve feels left out probably, like Tony is constantly keeping him on a distance. And because he doesn’t want Tony to start hating him, he doesn’t force himself into Tony’s comfort zone. He is passive.

 

It’s a vicious circle.

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

He can’t face Steve without being able to face his mean alter ego. Actually Tony doesn’t feel like visiting the wrong Steve at all, but at the same time he knows he has to in order to understand things, to answer some questions and to move on.

 

He doesn’t tell anyone he is visiting him, except for Frank. Despite Tony’s resistance against therapists, he has to admit that this guy has a certain way with him. Weirdly enough he respects him. Don’t enter his cell and don’t show him any real emotions, that’s what he told him. Frank didn’t particularly like the thought that Tony wants to visit the other Steve; might be too early, he said. But he accepted it and prepared him for it. They played through the visit a few times.

 

Tony doesn’t enter the cell.

 

“I knew you would come,” Steve says, and his voice is dark. He gets closer to the bars, but the restraints are holding him back.

 

Tony tries not to flinch.

 

He does fairly well, doesn’t even move an inch. For a moment they just keep looking at each other. Steve’s ice-blue eyes are almost burning into Tony’s skin. He holds back a shiver. Don’t show any emotions. Gladly, he is good at that.

 

“I am in your head and always will be there,” the other Steve smirks, baring his white teeth to Tony. Even when this guy is smiling, it looks so wrong and manipulative. “I’ll never let you go. I won.”

 

Tony stares at the man in front of him, inwardly wincing when their eyes meet again. It makes him see everything again, like a movie playing in front of his eyes. His strong grip would hold Tony down so easily. Steve just took whatever he wanted to take from Tony. Up to this moment Tony didn’t even realize how strong Steve truly was. He had to be in the claws of the other Steve to realize it. Both of them could easily break him.

 

Tony is just made out of a few bones. Flesh and skin. No supersoldier serum.

 

Steve furrows his eyebrows when Tony doesn’t answer, and for an instant he looks so identical to his Steve that it takes Tony’s breath away. The reason Tony even went into the trap back then was that he has Steve’s face. It’s his fault for not noticing it immediately. The slight differences in their expression.

 

He was so stupid.

 

“You were his,” the other Steve whispers. “And I took you from him.”

 

“For someone who claims he just used me, you are kinda obsessed with me,” Tony comments. “Weird.”

 

It pisses the other Steve off. Interesting. “You were calling his name, like you thought he would come to save you, like we don’t share the same name, like it would stop me.” He clenches his fingers around the bars. “You are mine!”

 

Something inside Tony clenches, something else though listens in sudden interest. “You are jealous,” he states in surprise. “Jealous of Steve. Of the real Steve.” He pauses. “Because he has me.”

 

When Steve stays silent, Tony laughs bitterly. “You like me. Jeez. I really always attract the weird dudes.”

 

“I don’t like you,” the other Steve hisses. “I only wanted to take from him what he cherished the most.”

 

The tone of his voice betrays him though. Tony shakes his head, he got the upper hand again. “You are a different version of Steve, you are what Steve could have become. Same person, two outcomes.” This is why Steve probably feels so guilty, Tony realizes. He knows the darkness in alternate Steve is a part of him. Like every person has a dark side to them. Just that the real Steve, his Steve, would never let his dark side come to the surface. “You like the same food, the same music.” You have the same face, the same voice, the same laugh. “Why wouldn’t you like the same man?”

 

 

~~~

 

 

_Steve has prepared something to eat. And Tony has actually watched him doing it, because he has nothing else to do than to sit on the sofa chair and watch. He is scared that if he moves a finger, Steve will suddenly find him more interesting than the food he is preparing._

 

_Steve has picked him up form his room slash cell, and led him to his own room. First Tony felt skeptical about it. Like… what kind of sick game is he planning on now? If he wants sex, why did he not just do the usual? Drug Tony and then just do his thing._

 

_But today is different._

 

_Steve prepared steak with mashed potatoes and green salad. He looks so much like his real Steve when cooking it almost makes Tony go crazy._

 

“ _What are we doing here?” Tony grumbles when Steve puts the plates in front of them on his sofa table._

 

“ _Eat,” Steve suggests._

 

_Tony blinks. “Eat?”_

 

“ _Yes, that’s what people normally do when they are hungry,” Steve comments like Tony is actually an idiot. “There is a game today, I would like to watch it. Do you mind?”_

 

_What the actual fuck!? Tony shakes his head, relieved that apparently Steve was just looking for some company tonight instead of eating alone. He almost expects Steve to make a move on him while they watch TV, but he doesn’t._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the long absence! But I didn't forget this story, actually I am working on it regularly :-)   
> I hope you like this chapter! It's more an "intermediate" one...but at least Steve and Tony made some tiny progress.  
> There is still a lot to be revealed about what happened when alternate Steve had Tony.
> 
> As always your comments and thoughts are loved and appreciated! ♥


End file.
